Are you here to grout my biff canal?

Life just seems to keep me busy now. 2 and a half months ago I tried to go back to my normal schedule and take care of Una. The stress of leaving her with a babysitter, stress of being back to work and stress of trying to keep the house and all a clean and orderly place was too much. So 3 days into only having 3-4 hours of sleep working 9 hour days and then coming home to make dinner feed baby clean baby clean laundry dishes pack lunches life kicked my arse. I went to bed and woke up in pain with EMTs surrounding me. Turns out a Grand Mal seizure lasting 6-7 minutes will sometimes cause some serious damage on a herniated disk. I spent 5 days in the hospital Una stayed at my moms and because I wasnt resting I went to my moms for a month. I moved back into our house in Endicott, things arent perfect but I dont think they ever will be, but I have learned that sometimes the dishes need to sit in the sink and its ok to let the laundry pile up. So Ive been back to work for a month and Im working part-time, it's still difficult to make it in for those 32 hrs a week. Got to remind myself that I cant afford to take an extra day off but sometimes I need too. Una is already starting to teeth, her gums are turning white and changed shape a few weeks ago. So teething is evil, every few hours she wakes up in pain, and some of the lovely side effects. Drooling & running nose, both making it difficult for little ones to sleep. Just when she started to go 5-6 hours without waking...back to awake ever 2. She's found her laugh, it's contagious and makes every thing worth it. The fun part about teething is that Una has now learned the fine art of "I licked it, therefor it is mine." Must go the little beast is stirring, time for more teethers.

So a friend posted this on Facebook and I was about halfway done reading when I decided I needed to share this.
http://www.facebook.com/ext/share.php?sid=112735581156&h=dhyLy&u=h-90G&ref=mf

Here's a few Quotes to get you interested:
"Do they want the same people running health care who gave us the Department of Motor Vehicles, the post office and the invasion of Iraq?
"Here the Congressional Budget Office report that a health care bill would not save money but would instead cost more than a trillion dollars in the next decade was decisive."
"When everyone pays for the same health-care system, the overseers will feel more and more a right to tell you how to live, which simple joys are allowed and which are not."
"They shame smokers and the overweight. Drinking will be next. ...I start thinking of how they’ll use this as an excuse to judge, shame and intrude."

Well Una my dear, your daddy may be getting it, or just likes to surprise me. He helped pack your things the day before and even helped carry stuff. He helped me rearrange our bedroom, it had become stale, like low sodium saltines. We cleaned the upstairs and he made dinner while I took care of you. You are still a screaming crying gas factory but once we get the burps worked out you smile and laugh. I'm hoping you sleep through the random firework and get 4 hours tonight I could use some rest. Good night.

I have baby on the brain all the time, then again we haven't been apart since she had to go for an hour in the hospital to get her shots, it felt longer but the nurse assured me it was less than an hour.
I've finally gotten used to placing her in her bassinet instead of holding her while she sleeps. I still want to scoop her up each time there's even a little murmur from her. Everyone tells me that she will never learn to self sooth if I constantly hold her. I can't help it I just want to make sure she's ok, I love watching her little chest rise and fall as she breaths, I love the faces she makes as she sleeps. I love being the first thing she sees when she wakes up.
6 weeks isn't enough time.

Will enjoy (and cry) the day when I can hold up her burp cloth and say I used to be able to use this as a blankie on your tushie and now you are taller than me. sigh.

We moved her crib/bassinet into the our bedroom, her room was hot and stuffy in spite of the air conditioning going on full blast....now its too cold. Cried today when I was asked how long I had til I had to go back to work. Separation anxiety might lead to Amy having a meltdown. Considering everything that place has put me through in the past 8 years leaving and never looking back is too good. Sad part there's nothing else job wise in the area.

I'm looking down at your little pink face that is all curled up at my chest and I wonder how I was so lucky to have you. Here you are grunting and making cute faces while you sleep trying to push something out. I cant stay awake any longer time to prop us both up in the chair.

Day 2 bottle feeding ...Finally got real bottles, Dr Browns they reduce gas (aka: fussy baby). Una still prefers the breast and wont go to sleep without getting breast after the bottle, Dr says its a comfort thing. I agree but she also eats the bottle so fast that the only 100% way to get rid of the hiccups is to drink more from the breast. I check on her every few seconds and haven't been able to sleep in my own bed since the 8th. That, I'm told is also normal, checking to make sure they are ok a million times a day. She will get a little fussy then I pick her up she burps and falls back asleep in my arms, she does not want to be left alone in her bassinet. I am told this is normal, I believe it could be worse, thankfully her jaundice is gone. She likes sleeping on mommy's lap while mommy reads to her. Tonight after Dave fed her they both started to fall asleep, of course she inched her way down so that she looked like a little roaster chicken cuddled in the corner of Daves arm. She snuggles on my tummy curling on her side or sprawls out on her back but bunches up when my mom or Dave holds her. I enjoy watching her sleep the faces she makes are amazingly cute. Then she will startle herself awake if I have her hold my finger while she sleeps she doesnt startle. Random switch, her umbilical cord finally came off which means bubble bath for Una. Rubber duckie joy of joys ....

So normal jaundice set in about 3 days after birth, jaundice has to do with the extra red blood cells that a baby is born with not breaking down and filtering through the liver quick enough. The non-filtered red blood cells are called bilirubin. So the kid needs plenty of sunlight to help this move along, and the triple cities is SOOOOO sunny. There's this thing called a Wallaby Blanket, its basically a portable sunshine machine. it's adorable and scary you have to wrap up your baby in this strap that gives off light and its that same blue-green color that tanning beds give off. Being a child born in the 70's and growing up through the 80's I remember a toy called glow worms. Baby swaddled in light strap and in a green blanket with just her head and hands sticking out looks like a glow worm. Very very cute. Unas bilirubin levels were not going down, they were actually getting higher, which is common in breast feed babies. Still not a good thing since if she doesnt get better would have to go into hospital. Another strange but true thing, babies loose weight during the 1st week they are out of mom and "usually" by wk 2 are back to their birth weight. 8 days of breast feeding every 1-2 hrs for 20-30 min or more at a time...yes literally more than half the day with child attached to breast. When you take into consideration that we had to go to the doctors everyday since 12th she had to be feed just before we left and if the wait was long feed during the appointment. The day I tried going to Dr appt & grocery shopping was even more fun....breast feeding in the car woo hoo! I feel like a feedbag. Monday got the results from Sundays blood draw, Una went up a little more & she needs more milk to 'flush out' the bad stuff. Dr said I can supplement with formula, but I have this crazed idea that she will only drink breast milk since she's not a cow or a soybean and doesn't need milk from them. So now in between feedings I'm pumping, ie never sleeping, kid eats it and wants more now. Last night Dave goes to the store brings home some premixed similac. He heats up a bottle and sits down with her. she gobbles it down burps and goes to sleep for him. She wakes up a few hours later he gives her the breast milk in a bottle she eats it all and wants more so she gets another ounce of formula. All in all she wants to eat 3 ounces in one feeding and Im only producing about 2 ounces which means I need to have her nurse more & I need to pump more to make up for the difference. I got to trade places and do laundry & make dinner last night while Dave was feeding her. It was nice, gotta say for all the debate of breast vs formula doing a little of both is making my life a lot easier.

Hate me because I only had about a 4 hour labor and it only took 2 pushes to give birth. So I started having light contractions in the middle of the night Thursday, must laugh at Thursdays post about doctor saying it'll be another week or more. Light contractions feel weird kinda like a twinge then muscle cramp that goes away quickly. I only woke up from it about 3 times the whole night didn't think anything of it. Friday morning normal routine, lunch for David, breakfast for me a contraction about once an hour maybe less. I was feeling extra tired so I went back to sleep for another 2 hours. Got up still contractions about every hour, wow I thought braxton hicks are kicking in. Mid afternoon they are now coming about 2-3 every hour but no pattern and not even spaced regularly. By the time Dave got home from work at 5 they were 15-20 min apart We made dinner and relaxed. I tried walking & laying down to see if they would go away..nope. Figured we'd probably have to go to the hospital in the morning. Then just before midnight I got one that wasn't a light cramping but a searing burning pain. OK I thought Im not sleeping tonight and the contractions are still about 10 minutes apart & my water still in tact. Then bathroom and bloody show, damn trip to hospital in the middle of the night. My OB was not on so I got the on call DR who said have them check to see if you are dilated. Meantime Dave & I showered double checked our bags & at about 2am took a drive to Wilson. The painful contractions were coming every 10 or 15 min I had stopped timing and just tried to not scream. The ER was empty and Daves comment mimicked my thoughts so the zombie invasion would occur while I go into labor. I was placed in the wheelchair and taken up to Labor & Delivery to have them check my "progress". Basically its a room wear they examine you to see if you are in real labor. I get as far as into a dressing gown and we need a urine sample, feeling freaked out about the blood now its not supposed to be bright red and period like. Amy could you get up on the bed and bring your but forward a little. Ok nurse is going to check me, SQUISH, when my water breaks. It's more like a squirt it doesnt all come out at once. She pokes and yes my dear you are actually dilated 3cm. It's about 3am when we get all settled into a delivery room, Dave started making calls, and Im trying to calm everyone down reminding them I could still be in labor for the rest of the day/night. Between 3:30 or 4 I had dilated to 7cm and ppl are showing up and Ive learned what real pain is. There is no way to describe real labor contractions after 5 in a row that came in the space of 30 min I decided it was dumb to not accept pain relief, hell chop off my body from my breasts down. It's about quarter til 5 when it gets worse. Lisa went to get the nurse to see about pain relievers for me. Nurse comes in gloved hand checks my Va-J-J "oh honey you are fully dilated and I feel the head. The next time you get a contraction give me a push lets see" That's all it took Amy pushed once Screams of get the doctor the heads already out. I said It burns get the fuck out of me. Lisa said push Amy Shes almost out. I remember my whole body lifting and wrenching the nurse forcing my legs apart. Dave at my right holding my hand and arm Lisa on the left. Then sweet relief, a little screech. The burning pain was gone and this little body was placed on my chest. She was covered in goo and frightened, I put my finger in one of her hands Dave held her other hand. We spent time looking at each other in silence as the midwife took out the placenta. Dave cut the cord and the doctor finally arrived. He wanted to give me a look over so Dave got to hold Una while I got a stitch, had a little tear at the top. I was alone for the longest time looking over at Dave sitting in the rocking chair cradling his little girl. Something amazing must have happened in those moments because after they took her away to get her shots he came over with glassy eyes and asked me when I wanted to have another one.
There's something wonderful that happens when you have a child, your life changes in a way you never understood before. It does feel like a miracle.

Una Lynn Grace was born 5/09/09 at 6:10am she was 6pounds 13ounces and 20 inches long. A little peanut, she squeaks instead of screams....so adorable! I had the most wonderful experience, less than 4 hours of hard labor, 2 pushes and she was out. Hollywood couldn't have directed it that well. Now time to check up on my little angel.

So had the ultra sound today and an internal exam and non stress test. Baby is good, her heart beat and reactions to outside sounds are normal and healthy. Mommies B.P. was high 150/100, thankfully I don't have pre-eclampsia just mild hypertension and massive water retention Dr finally got to see my feet & legs at the end of a day. He said something about water balloons I was happy to have proof that part of my 47 pound weight gain was due to the retention and not that Im some crazy that ate whatever I wanted just because I was preggers. Have Unas first porno pic, legs spread wide of course all you really see is the pelvic bone. She looks to weigh approx 6 pounds 6 ounces now and her head is about 33 cm in circumference which is about 5 cm bigger than a DVD/CD. oh wow just wow. So after the internal exam turns out My cervix isn't ready. It has to do this thing they call ripening yeah yet another term that sounds gross. Basically the cervix has to soften from the braxton hicks contractions so that it will dilate to fit the baby through. If you try to rush this part you wont be able to pass the baby out because the cervix wont open all the way and that leads to 10-20 hrs of labor and cesareans. What that means is shes not ready to come out yet, more than likely I will go until May 17th or later. I was really hoping she would be here before mothers day, cant rush these things. I tell myself that it's better that I wait until shes ready and my body is ready this way labor is shorter. As long as Una is healthy and Im healthy that's what really matters.

So I am officially out of work, handed in paperwork from the doctor yesterday, got woken up from a nap because there's a spot on the middle of the page that I didn't sign...will be making another trip to work this afternoon. So I managed to stay on my feet long enough yesterday morning that they were swollen and purple once the doc got a look at them...finally he understood why I was so concerned. I must remember that most doctors don't understand me and I wouldn't be worried unless it was an issue. We got to do the "fetal non-stress test" something funny about strapping 2 boxes to my belly with lots of goo and give me a button then tell me to press it when I feel the kid move. Funny part is she moves whenever you try to listen to her heartbeat...I guess she doesnt like hearing herself on the outside. So instead of leaving the one box strapped to one spot I got to follow her around as she squirmed from one side to another. Doctor and nurse laughed, I was just happy since this means she is very healthy. So my next appointment is on May 7th, the day I was predicting will be her due date...we shall see how that goes yes.

I realized a few days ago that not only have I not been posting but I also having been keeping up with anything going on in cyberspace. Still haven't packed my overnight bag, just got the baby room done this week. I am really better under pressure & get more done in short notice. I have to say I love my mom & aunt they helped move, pack and reorganize the room. So now I am spending more time just being here. I am looking forward to the times I can sit back in the recliner read Una a story and we both fall asleep...of course the first few week should be mostly eat, nap & diapers. I think I will post a little later after Drs appt and running around.

So as of the last Drs appt he still insists my due date is May 17th, big surprise mucus plug went this past Saturday. This means at most the baby will wait around up there for 2 maybe 3 weeks. I knew she wasnt going to go all the way into mid May, anyone who has seen my belly lately knows it wont be much longer. Of course the next Drs appt isnt until 29th. In the meantime Weve had the baby shower, So much fun, and I realized I really miss getting together with ppl and having food talking...the only reason I miss community. Im going to have to start a monthly girl afternoon out, have a few hours away from the husbands & kids. Ive been getting infrequent contractions and back pain, nothing to even call the doctor about...they come and go without any kind of pattern. I'm looking at the mint eucalyptus foot cream that was given to me this weekend thinking I need to move myself away from the computer and convince the man to give me a massage. Yep, sounds like a plan.

So if we go by the doctors original due date of April 30th we are right around the corner. My calculations May 7th and still right around the corner. Or the doc's recalculated due date of May 17th which no one that has seen this belly thinks is going to happen. I think I already mentioned it but she dropped into prone position few weeks ago. Basically means shes dropped her head further into my uterus and her little tushie is poking out about 3 inches above whats left of my belly button. Few weeks ago she was about 5-6 inches from my belly button. Trying to resist the urge to hum Knocking on Heavens Door. So last week we had hiccups and every day since. There's something lovely and disturbing about watching your whole belly lurch without warning. A leg or arm will shift and it looks like the alien trying to make its way out. Im reminded of Poppy Z Brites version of a vampire birth where the vampire baby Claws and eats it's way out of the mother...or the movie aliens. ok I must go to sleep so I can be to work early have birthing classes this week.

There's no way to desensitize yourself when it happens in your backyard. There will never be any explanation that anyone can give me to justify the taking of a life besides self defense. I'm afraid for the world that I will be bringing my little girl into, wondering now if it's safe to go for that walk to the park, store, or doctor's office which I could see in the news footage today. Unhappy that this event will be used to support people who want to take the sale of guns away from the public. Angry because law abiding citizens like myself would have to apply for a gun permit and a whole bunch of other crap before getting a gun when a criminal doesn't get their guns "legally", so take the guns out of the peoples hands who are feeding their families or protecting themselves to give the public a false sense of security? I've never owned a gun, don't want one and would take me starving to be able to shot an animal for food. Yes, this is horrible...the triple cities has seen it's share of crimes and deaths, I live a door down from where a fatal shooting occurred about 6-7 years ago. The number of people harmed and the way it occurred it what caused media panic. It was only a year or so ago that the boy was killed on main st a few blocks away. There have been shootings & stabbings downtown, Ive had a shotgun shoved in my face at the door of my apartment more than a decade ago. It's just how it happened and the number of people involved. I don't see myself falling asleep very soon tonight no matter how tired I am. It's going to be a very long weekend.

OK so 2 months & 3 days but who's counting, oh wait I am.
Still having troubles with the high blood pressure and swollen feet, but amazingly only when Im at work. I get major headaches that travel from the back of my neck to just behind my ears, mild hallucinations, dizzy spells, nausea, swollen feet and a few other fun things but only when Im at work. The other day I left work early came home took my BP 169/79, ...30 minutes after being home it had gone down to 157/84, then about 40 min after I had taken my BP meds it was down to 113/63...which is much more normal for me prior to pregnancy. Amazing enough when I am at home it never goes above 134/79. Maybe just maybe the doctor will pull me out of work this week.
Oh a happier note, Una has been sideways most of the pregnancy, and on Monday night I pointed out to Dave how you could see that the lopsided part of my belly was from her butt sticking out on the right side. I had a really uncomfortable night of sleep and when I woke up Tuesday morning noticed my belly was differently shaped. Yes she finally moved into fetal position, head down but and legs up. This whole head down thing is evil, pressure right on my bladder and feels like a weight has been placed on my uterus. Sitting is bad, standing in one spot is bad, laying down is ok...walking around feels great. Of course the braxton hicks contractions came Wednesday night Thursday morning, I keep telling myself the real ones are going to be more painful so suck it up now. Today I got my first kick up to the ribs, thankfully it was mild. According to everyone I have more to look forward to and they will also get stronger as she does..She is currently favoring the right side.
Dave & I have been talking about the last decade and how much has changed in our lives. Also realized we havent gotten a picture just the 2 of us in many, many years...sure we have pictures of us separate over the years but the last "family style" picture of us is with the Easter Bunny from 6-7 years ago. We have pictures of us from our first new years together in 1999, candid shots at different apartments mostly web cams. I talk about this because David mother was showing me picture albums to get photos of baby Dave to use for the baby shower. Looking at all of the pictures she has of her and Dave's dad from when they were younger makes me sad that Dave & I haven't been taking pictures of us while we are still young. Reminds me of a song that was on the juke box at the Royal that I used to play

It's amazing that it has taken this little girl to remind me of how precious every moment is. For now I'm going to find The Girl From Ipanema and think of the "good old days".

So one large baby item in the house and I'm realizing just how much stuff I need to get rid of....problem is...I also got a beautiful white & dark purple flowered sun hat and matching bib. Both have a little bit of snugglie velour, the hat has a purple bow the bib is white...yes I know a white bib for a child is just asking for stains but I have purple velvet material, I have white on white flowered material and I have white material with little tiny purple flowers that are begging me to turn them into outfits to go with said hat & bib. Which comes to my predicament, I have a closet full of arts and crafts, a bin of material and a bin of finished costumes for dress up....yes sometimes I like to dress like a pirate, or flapper, high society lady from the 1890's whatever strikes my fancy...so I made costumes ok they were for parties I went to ...but I cant get rid of them...I put a lot of work into them. So that leaves me with very little space...I feel bad because I was supposed to make room for my little girl and I'm keeping things around because I might use them again. I understand I still have that strange fascination for pretend and dress up which will be a lot of fun once she gets older but I feel a little selfish. I have a lot of stuff that once Im off work will be gone in no time flat, 3 blankets take up 1 whole bin. One will be delivered to Philly, ones going to my nephew and the other is staying here...but once finished can be stored with the linens. I guess I don't need to keep all of the material I have, I should take stock and make a choice to only keep half of it here then see if I can store or donate the rest. That would free up closet space and the dresser that I want to use for Una. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to part with sentimental things, or should I just break down and gt some space bags so I can store the stuff in my cellar?

Yes I'm still part southern it's a cellar.

So my blood pressure hasnt gotten any better with medicine, and now my legs and feet are so swollen that I dont have any shoes I can wear that it doesnt feel like my feet are loosing circulation and toes will have to be amputated. Im reminded of a day in the store with Akira5899 and hers were the swollen feet and it looked like the tops of her feet were going to explode out of the sandals she was wearing, yeah thats mine right now. Anytime anything touches them it feels like a hot lighter pressed up against my skin. Im not thinking this is normal to be in this much pain...going to go try and out ice packs on my feet/legs to see if that will reduce the swelling...I dont want to go to the doctor at 9pm on a saturday...thats just screaming ER until the wee hours of the night...meep.

So the carpet is in the color is perfect the smell is driving my sinuses crazy. Im thankful there's still 2 & half more months to get that out...Im getting hopeful for warmer weather so I can open a window. I woke up to tapping on my insides a little reminder that I cant sleep more than 3 hours without having to go to the bathroom. Swollen feet, legs and hands feel like a permanent thing now. I have no sympathy for myself I don't think there is patience left for others. Kinda frightened about work tomorrow I may be too pessimistic to deal with idiots on the phone. I already have the sarcasm building in my head trying to prevent me from being depressed about the day. Gotta love that, I go from depressed to angry in no time...this is why Ive never had to worry about myself but had to worry about the safety of others. Yes Im going to blame this on pregnancy hormones and mood swings...The morning was less than fun and I sure could have used a night out drinking to remind me why I don't miss being young anymore. BLAH
So thought I was going to have one of those great amazing days today, turned out to be a flop. No massage because of my high blood pressure, lunch/dinner wasn't anything special to write about, & no movie theater because getting home to play the new online video game was more important, so Ive spent the day having a lot of things that I had hoped would happen not happen....I'm starting to feel like disappointment is part of the pregnancy process. Maybe it's just me Ive never had a good "date", I should have known the day was going to suck ass when I ended up crying in the bathroom after being told I couldn't get my birthday massage. Ive never had a professional massage before, I don't think I ever will get one. I have to take this stupid blood pressure medication that makes me sleepy and has a ton of different side effects, the sleepy one is the only thing Im experiencing so far. How does one gauge a side effect that one is already experiencing? May cause fatigue, dizziness, mood swings, etc....I have those all the time being pregnant, does that mean I may experience them more often than all the time?
I think it's time to take my cranky ass to bed...I'm not sleepy but I need to prop my feet up they are feeling like someone stuffed them with lead.

Gotta say all of those women who start saying Im ready for it to be over...I completely understand how they feel...give me a crying screaming pooping baby and take away the uncomfortable overstuffed feeling in my body.